Adventures in CineVangelism

It was a simple case of mistaken identity. There I was, cozy in a comfy chair, blanky pulled up to my nose, the flashy-box primed to play what I thought was going to be a ridiculous action flick. In other words, I was psyched for some good old fashioned so-bad-it’s-good, throw-down on the small screen extravagance.

Little did I know.

Ok, the movie in question was 2012.  As in, it’s the end of the world, courtesy the Mayan calendar, starring John Cusack and Amanda Peet. I have zero expectations regarding plot or delivery and basically just want to see some cool special effects. And with that, I hit ‘play’…

Uh… hmm… gosh, this acting seems a little extra bad, but that’s ok. Any minute now John Cusack will show up and… woah, the scientific premise here is that a black hole is slowing the Earth’s rotation? Um, fine, I guess… ahhhhh…. Now I’m supposed to swallow that an archeologist just found a crucifix in an ancient Mayan ruin? I wonder when John Cusack’s gonna show… oh, COME ON, this is like the fourth conversation in a row about God… I know  it’s the apocalypse, but let’s get a move on here people! Heheh… really? The president just seamlessly evacuated the west coast?! And I really have to swallow that the ancient Mayans prophesied a great Christian event in Chichen Itza?! And seriously, where is John Freaking Cusack?!!!

Spoiler Alert: John Freaking Cusack never freaking shows, because it turns out that I am watching 2012: Doomsday, a little number from production company Faith Films – makers of such hits as:

Sunday School Musical Two competing groups of high school students must rally together and enter a song and dance competition in order to save their church from closing.

Evil Based on the classic legend of a cynical journalist who discovers that the power of faith can defeat the forces of unspeakable darkness.

&

Countdown: Jerusalem A journalist searches for her daughter as a series of catastrophic disasters push a destabilized society toward the brink of global war.

Yup, I got Punk’d by the religious right. My experience might not hold a torch to such degrading and filthy R-R swap-outs as masquerading pro-life centers as abortion clinics, but all the same, it is tricksy.  There’s just one catch though. One little detail that I can’t seem to jiggle out of my brain. Follow my thought process: Take a popular film, slightly alter the title (no pun intended,) cast with terrible actors and… yeah. I’m thinking CineVangelists are taking their cues from the porn industry.

Alright, that’s a stretch, but I’ve got to wonder if they could possibly pull in porn-worthy revenue with their movie making/title-jacking ways.  I don’t know much about it. We all know The Passion of the Christ killed at the box office, but was that a fluke? A quick online search revealed the 2006 emergence of Fox Faith, a division of Twentieth Century Fox. That seems sort of mainstreamish, since they do have a release agreement with AMC Theaters, but I don’t know how much success they are enjoying. According to Wikipedia, the New York times reviewed one of their films with the statement, “While it’s always fun when Hollywood aims to instruct us in the spiritual pitfalls of filthy lucre, perhaps insulting the artistic sensibilities of Christian audiences isn’t the best way to get them into the multiplex.”

Amen.

But back to 2012: Doomsday, I believe the viewing experience can be summed up by these IMDB discussion board topics on the film: “How long did you manage to watch it?” (couldn’t help myself – slugged it out till the bitter end,) “Am I going to hell for laughing?” (No,) “This is not even Christian!” (A very good point,) “Where did the lady’s Mom go?” (hahahahahah… ah, you’ve got to see it to appreciate how funny that question is,) and “I’m the only one who liked the movie?” (Yeah, dude. You are.)

Evil Evil 2008 Based on the classic legend of a cynical journalist who discovers that the power of faith can defeat the forces of unspeakable darkness.

(Anti)Trust Me. This is bad.

Yeah… I have to agree with this quote from an email titled, Concert Buyers Beware! from a group that includes the Black Cat and 9:30 club. Re: a potential Ticketmaster/Live Nation merger.  (click the quote for full article from the Examiner.)

“There’s a train wreck about to happen and consumer groups say YOU will be the victim if the two most powerful corporate interests in the live concert business get their way. But you can help stop the merger of Ticketmaster and Live Nation. The government needs to hear from music fans now. Tell the Department of Justice that you’re against these monopolies amassing illegal power over consumers, before it’s too late. antitrust.complaints@usdoj.gov.”

Raise your hand if you trust Ticketmaster for even a hot second to act responsibly.

That’s what I thought. Let’s get those emails rolling, folks!

Google News & State Run Media

What?!

Why, why, why is it that when I click over to Google News (which I do at least once a day,) that I am increasingly seeing Xinhua as an article link for the days headlines? Call me crazy, but when I’m recklessly enjoying our nations right to freedom of the press, I like to keep China’s state run media agency as far out of the “fair and balanced” column as I can get it.

I did a quick search online to see if I can filter out this propaganda monster from my news links, but there doesn’t seem to be a good solution.  Now, I like a little devil’s advocate action in my news cycle as much as the next person. I click on Faux News now and again to check out their reliable laugh-until-you-cry news slant. I mean, everyone’s got an angle and I think it’s important to not just tune into the people who are going to tell you what you want to hear. I also quite enjoy reading international news sources, both for their pov and diverse subject matter.

But, Xinhua?! I am sorry that China (along with all it’s illegally occupied “regions”) is stuck with their own personal spoon-fed 1984, but I prefer to sidestep the mouthpiece for a country where Newspeak is unfortunately still firmly entrenched in the ‘stranger than fiction’ category.

No thanks, Google News.

Sci-Fi Shattered

Gah. Bah. Dang it all.

Ok, so my housemates and I like the science fiction. Like all good little geeks, we pick and choose our poison and around here, Doctor Who and Torchwood are way up on the list.

Add to this scenario my fanatic and all encompassing desire to never have anything given away – ever. I hate spoilers.  I don’t want to skip to the end of the book. I don’t want to know a cute line from the movie. I certainly do not want to know what is going to happen next on one of my favorite tv shows.

(If you hate spoilers too, stop here.)

So there I was, just innocently clicking away on the internet, when I accidentally came upon the one thing I had been valiantly saving myself from discovering: the identity of the next Doctor Who.

He’s a child! What is this? Now, since I refuse to do any more research in the name of not having anything else ruined for me, my questions will just have to (hopefully) go unanswered. If I had discovered this, say, while watching the forthcoming show this spring, I would know immediately if said PYT has the wherewithal to hold his own as the 11th Doctor. Instead, I will just have to wait with all the other spoiled rotten DW fans…waiting…  waiting… arrrrrr!

I think that’s just about enough geeking for now… although I will sign off with an awesome pic from an article on David Tennant, as tweeted a few days ago by Neil Gaiman. (And yes, I haven’t read the article, for all the reasons listed above… just looked at the pretty picture. 🙂 )

Nope… I lied. Signing off with this is obviously the way to go: